...new adventures...

I think I am retiring this blog for a while... I might return to it at a later date... but it is time for a new adventure... you can find my more recent thoughts my new blog called:

Musings of an adventurous soul

...you are greatly loved...

.am.

live's transitions...

Hey Family and Friends!

Welp, as always… I seem to send little updates when transitions arise! There are a few new things on the horizon of my life… and some that have already dawned! I hope this little letter finds you doing well!

Transition number one… going from 26 years of age to 27… … …REALLY!!

Am I really 27?!!

(Wow… my parents must be saying ‘oh, don’t remind me….’ haha…)

Anyhoo. It is true, I am turning 27 in a few days… it is amazing how time seems to zoom on and on whether or not we zoom with it… guess there isn’t time to waste! So the adventures continue…

As many of you know this past year I opened a coffee house in Canby Oregon with my sister and a friend… if I were to write about all the adventures that I had in regards to that little café, welp, you’d be sitting here for a few hours reading a novel. To say the least, I worked muscles I never knew I had, figuratively… and in real life! I met so many great people whom inspire and encourage my heart… and I gained an experience that will forever change my life. But as with all adventures, there comes a close to one and an embarking on another.

I have been feeling the season of transition approaching for a short while now. I was not sure what it would entail, where I would be, what I would be doing… all I knew was transition was swiftly approaching. And swiftly it has come.

With much prayer, consideration, careful thought, and many conversations I've decided to make a move to Spokane, Washington. (I can hear some of you saying in your head: SPOKANE!? What in God’s green earth is in SPOKANE!) Welp, I too find it making no logical or reasonable sense to move other than I know that I know it is the right thing to do in this season of life. So, I have taken the leap of faith, packed up my things, and moved on up here. As always, I find myself in the most interesting experiences, do the most interesting things… living in London, teaching art at an alternative high school, living in Guatemala and doing eye exams for the poor… I have no doubt that this will bring me the same fun and exciting adventures as other seasons in life have brought.

I have found a lovely little apartment close to some dear friends of mine, and we are pursuing living in intentional community… what that looks like, we don’t know yet… but we are being intentional about it… I’ll write more about our adventures in the days to come. As for work, I am pursuing a job at Whitworth University, Assistant Director of International Admissions. (A career job! HAHA! That makes me laugh out loud…) The Job is a perfect fit for this season of life. I’d use my degree, exercise my passions of understanding culture and bridging people, be able to travel and recruit students in other countries, work on a masters degree, and simply be me.

We shall see what takes place. Otherwise, I have a barista job almost lined up and a lot of prayers be prayed on my behalf! Join in if you’d like!

I’m sure this brings up one major question: what about the café!? I’d agree, in most circumstances, one can not just start up a business and leave a year later… But we’re in a unique and great circumstance. I’m still an owner and consulting the business in large decisions. We’ve got an awesome team of people in place making the café great! I’m excited to see what takes place in the days to come… it really is the place to be, and I’ll miss being there!

Anyhoo. Here is my new address:

10110 N. Colfax Rd #16

Spokane, WA 99218

My phone # is still the same: 480-459-7699

And my email is still: anbrown917@hotmail.com

Yep. That’s my little update for the season! Let me know if you would like to know more about the in’s and out’s of my new life… and as always, I’m sure I’ll be writing about it on my blog… www.ambrown917.blogspot.com

If you’re in the area, let me know! I’d love to have you come visit!

Keep in touch!

Annie May

.feed your spirit.

6/27/11

‘Maybe trying to comfort our soul is more harmful than good. Our real need is to feed our Spirit, not comfort our Soul.’

This morning I ran into some potentially discouraging moments. I was feeling quite down, and disappointed in myself for not meeting my own expectations. My mind, will and emotions were as uncomfortable as a cat would be in a swimming pool. I desperately wanted to sooth and numb my disappointment rather than face it and extend grace toward myself.

The reality is, God is gracious, kind, slow to anger and abounding in love. It doesn’t mean he excuses us from our shortcomings, but he doesn’t beat us over the head when we fall down. We often times miss God’s grace because we are too busy beating ourselves up thinking we must perform to gain God’s acceptance… OR we miss grace because we’re too busy thinking God will excuse our failings time and time again, so we’ll just keep on keeping on… I’m pretty sure the bible addresses both of these mentalities… (Ephesians 2:8 talks about being saved by grace… Romans 6 speaks of the foolishness of thought that continuing in our sin some how allows God to show MORE grace… lastly, First John 1 brings some insight into walking in the light.)

Anyhoo. This morning I was feeling a bit down. My soul was like a cat in water… desperately looking for any kind of dry land to climb upon… frantically… searching… claws out, fearful, anxious, worried, distressed… Screaming inside… ‘Get me outta here!!!’ (Okay, my words might be a bit overly dramatic here… I wasn’t quite this desperate. But if I hadn’t done something different in that moment to center my heart and mind on truth, I would have spiraled into a place I would not have wanted to visit… it is a place I use to dwell quite frequently, a place of fear, anxiety, worry, control… some might even call it depression.)

Right. I decided to turn some music on to get my mind focused on truth and off of my worries. I often turn on music with some kind of uplifting message, or something that will edify my soul and spirit, bringing me closer to the heart of God. I do this because my feet will step where my thoughts direct. Our thoughts guide our steps. What we think is what we will become. What I believe about myself (more over, what I believe about who God says I am…) will be the reality played out in my life. If I desire to take a step closer to Jesus everyday, then my thoughts need to be fixed upon him. When thoughts enter into my mind that are not like his thoughts, then I have a choice to make: Take them captive and make them obedient to Christ (1 Corinthians 10:5) OR I can allow lies to captivate my thoughts and in turn they will influence my choices, my words, and my actions…  I've been on a journey of transformation by way of renewing my mind.

Back to the story: I went to turn on some music. I had an artist in mind. His music always sooths my soul which is exactly what I wanted in that moment. After 30 seconds I realized that turning on this music was not helping me take my thoughts captive… The lyrics were lovely, but they spoke more about the human condition rather than the reality of who God is. And that is when it hit me. I was attempting to sooth my soul rather than FEED my spirit. I quickly put on a different album that spoke of who God IS rather than a profession of the frailty of humanity.

I wonder how many times I've sought out comfort for my soul when the Lord had been calling me to feed my spirit. When we feed our spirit (and by feed I simply mean: nourish and cultivate the word of God into our lives in moments when life is challenging… An example of comforting the soul: ‘I feel crappy about myself right now, I think I’ll go eat some ice cream and feel better…’ Nourishing the spirit: ‘I feel crappy about myself right now, but what is God’s truth? He loves me even in the darkest moments. He picks me up out of the pit, he shines his light upon me, lifts me up in due time, He is my creator and sustainer, provider, and friend…’ ect. Comforting the soul perpetuates weakness… Nourishing our spirit fortifies our identify in Christ… The enemy longs for us to stay in the wicked cycle of bringing comfort to our souls through our own means. What do you turn to when you feel crappy about yourself? Is it food? Is it certain friends? Is it TV? Facebook?

Dear ones, I am telling you… we must begin to feed our spirit rather than comfort our souls… God Almighty is our comforter. If we’re seeking condolence in anything other than Him first and foremost… we’re most likely worshiping idols.

I realized today that I often turn to self-pity, and I reinforce that pity by finding something that will support and encourage it… Today, it was listening to music that spoke of my broken state and how I was a faltering person… BUT that is no longer who I am… I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ in me… I am dead to sin and ALIVE in Christ. How silly it is to fixate on my shortcomings in light of God’s mercy and grace… He is faithful and just to purify us from all unrighteousness… When we repent, we are made clean by the blood of Christ...

I am not sure if my words properly described the revelation I had today. Sometimes it is hard to articulate the depth to which a word goes… So. I guess I’ll close with a prayer.

Jesus. We seek you with all our hearts… and you promise that we’ll find you. Lover of our souls, open our eyes to see you, open our hearts to know you, open our ears to hear you… and bring courage and boldness to our minds to follow you at any cost. Renew us, transform us, shine your light upon us, mold us… make us more like you sweet Jesus.

.Simply Valued.

Just a quick note for the night... (Haha, that’s what I always say, 5 pages later… J)

‘… maybe our value is not so much in what we do... but our value is intrinsically linked to the one who gives us life.’

I've been thinking over the past 2 days about Identity. Well, I've been thinking about it longer than the past two days… But I've been discovering and uncovering what my Identity is actually rooted in vs. what I wishfully say and ignorantly believe my identity is rooted in.

What I mean by ‘wishfully say and ignorantly believe’ is this: I believe my identity is rooted and established in Christ in theory… But in practice… in the everyday, experiential, moment-by-moment living, my thought processes and heart attitude would declare that my identity is rooted in what I do, how well I perform, how much influence I have, and how many people I have pleased. That is hard to admit! But it is true!

Why is it when I take a moment to reflect on the happenings of my day, I instantly base God’s approval of me upon how well or bad I performed? I think to myself: ‘Welp, Annie… you could have done this or that better… and oh, you forgot about that thing… and yep... ooo you really sucked it up in that moment… Looks like you missed the mark today.” And then I go into a pattern of thinking that God is obviously not pleased with me because I did not accomplish all the things I set out to do… and whatever I did do, it was obviously not done well enough…

Does anyone else have these nasty thought processes? I call them nasty because that is what they are!!! These kinds of thought processes are like cancer to our identity.

I share all of this because I believe the theory of identity in Christ can become experience. I believe there is great freedom in living loved and being rooted and established in love. When we encounter an enduring and pursuing love like that of Christ, our lives are forever changed… And this is where our identity thrives and grows… when we are rooted in love… Real love, the kind that Jesus has shown the world (not the kind that his ‘followers’ have displayed through the ages)… but the kind of love that serves, and sacrifices for friends, love that dwells in unity and promotes peace, that is humble and enduring, that does not delight in evil, nor is it rude or proud… love that is patient and kind, shows grace, mercy, and unmerited favor… slow to anger… love that forgives and builds up… this kind of love gives us the freedom to fall down and get back up. God doesn’t push us down with his thumb when we make mistakes, or fail, or simply turn away from what we know to be true and good… He continues to love us… it is the enemy who plants lies in our paths to try and separate us from God’s love… it is the enemy who condemns, and plasters us with guilt and condemnation. Christ opens wide his arms and takes us in fully, with great joy upon our return… never a scolding nasty guilt ridden tone of voice…

Christ desires his brothers and sisters to live in the reality of what was purchased for them through His blood… fullness of life, real freedom, healing and joy… love abundantly, grace and mercy new every morning… Hope and glory… peace that endures… He wants us to experience the love of the Father… fully. And as we experience that kind of love, we’ll be set free to live in the identity that Christ has given us.

Ask Jesus where you find your value. Do you know that you are intrinsically valuable to Him? You don’t have to strive to be accepted. You already are. Fully. Accepted. Loved. Completely. Period.

Praying we’ll all embark on a journey of seeking out who God says we are… and throw off all other voices that would tell us different that what Daddy God says.

Much love.

.am.

.quote of the day.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

.thoughts on avoidance.

6.17.11

I find the tendency of ‘avoidance’ really interesting. This week, I've found myself avoiding doing the things I love, things that bring refreshing to my soul and spirit… Avoidance seems to creep up on me when the Lord would like to reveal a deeper truth, bring a personal breakthrough, or He would like to use me in the lives of others… In short: when the Lord is moving in powerful ways, a spirit of avoidance seems to oppose me.

I've found the spirit of Avoidance works in conjunction with many other things… in my experience there is always an object of affection brought to the forefront of life as a decoy and distraction. This object of affection could be anything. The purpose and tactic of our enemy: to rob us of time, distract and remove us from His presence, isolate us from others, entertain our minds with temporal things, and from there throw all kinds of insults at us. Such insults are typically aimed at our identity, often purposed to thwart and twist our understanding of who we are in Christ. This is our enemy’s biggest fear. He is terrified of the sons and daughters of God discovering their true identity in Christ.

So. I've had a week of avoidance. I've avoided sitting down to write… I haven’t carved out time to sit and play music… I've evaded most all things that bring refreshing to my soul and I’ve chosen other things to occupy my time. Why!?

I don’t think I have the complete answer. But as I said before, I am sure God is up to something wonderful and good. He is the most kind and compassionate person, he is slow to anger and abounding in love… and his mercies are new every morning. And maybe the enemy is terrified of this reality… we are always forgiven and shown grace in Christ. Sin has no hold on me, it may knock me down, but in Christ I always overcome. (Insert your own word for ‘sin’… i.e.: Pain, discouragement, stress, bitterness, hurt, anger… whatever it is you desire to overcome).

Jesus. Thank you for knowing us completely, fully, to the deepest parts. You know our greatest weakness and you know our greatest potential. You know the deepest reasons why we respond and react the way we do. You know our every pain, you know how messy our hearts are, and you love us. Thank you. Jesus, I ask that you’d help us. Help us see you. Help us experience your love. Help us believe what YOU say and disregard our enemies threats as nothing. In you we have great victory, abundant life, joy, peace, endurance and strength! We will always overcome with you!

Simplicity of a word.

I am always amazed by the simple things of life.

I am amazed by the simple acts of obedience that bring about such a marvelous and glorious harvest of life. (That might sound a bit weird to some of you reading this. So let me elaborate a bit more :)

I've had multiple instances this week where I have felt a subtle prompt to speak encouragement to different people. Whenever I feel a prompt, there is always the opportunity to decline/ignore what I sense to be hearing...Or, in faith, I have the opportunity to speak what it is I am hearing. Over the past few months, I've regularly declined and dismissed the prompt as silliness. But this last week, I was reminded of the power our words can carry. Our words hold the power of life or death. The simple act giving a tiny encouraging word to someone, or writing a little note to a friend, sending that little text with a 'Hi, I'm thinking of you', re posting my thoughts from a year ago... these things to me seem so simple, yet God breaths his breath of life into these simple words and acts, and from them come a garden of life...

We have no idea what the smallest actions of love will do for a person. What seems small in my eyes, God can take and use in such a radical way to bring endurance, hope, transformation, restoration, perseverance, encouragement, confirmation...

So, I smile and laugh with a sense of joy and awe as I reflect upon the events of this last week.

I'm finding it true that man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God... How I long to feast on that eternal sustenance... The bread of life... His word and truth sustain us, one such truth that I am thinking upon today:

He loves me with an everlasting love, He is kind and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love... Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ....

And when I live in the reality of that truth, eternal beauty springs forth unhindered by the circumstances around me.

I pray that we'd all get a taste of His love for us, and as this happens, I am confident that we too will go and love likewise.

blessings to you, His beloved.

.am.

What will be, will Be. And I will rejoice.

3.29.11

What will be, will be. And I will rejoice.

(I am coming out of hibernation in regards to writing… publicly, that is. I am not sure where I’ll find the time to be consistent in sharing my thoughts… but what will be, will be.)

The past few months have been quite interesting. I am not exactly sure how to sum it up… I guess you could say I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of OZ… being picked up by a twister… plopped down in such an unexpected, yet lovely and curious place… and there is this yellow brick road that will lead me along the way I should go… Dorothy was dreaming the whole thing… and when she woke up, she was so thankful to be with the ones she loved.

(Ha. My life is very real right now, not a dream… although it does feel quite like one… there are moments when I take a step back and wonder: Did the past 6 months really just happen? Did I really get together with my sister and a friend to open a LEGIT coffee shop? Really!? How did that happen? How did that come together so quickly? What? Really? How? Huh? Haha… You could ask any of us @ The Place and we’d all tell ya it was a miracle… We’re not quite sure how things are going so well except by the grace God has given us. It is beautiful!)

Anyhoo. As much as I love where I am now, and I LOVE what I get to do everyday… and I LOVE the people I get to work with… and the community of Canby… there is something more that I long for… what that is exactly, I can’t quite put to words… but I know there are pieces of this life puzzle that have not found there way to the table yet. I have ideas about what those ‘pieces’ may be, but I lay no claim on them… ‘What will be, will be’ … I just know there are pieces waiting to be revealed.

The past few weeks I've been wrestling with capriciousness in my heart. I've wanted to create my own pieces in this life puzzle and try to fit them in… more like I've wanted to force them in… (Have you ever done that with a real puzzle? Haha, it’s comical… you find a piece that is surely the ‘right fit’ for that spot, and you force fit it in… and think: “PERFECT! I've been looking all over for that darn piece…Heck yes!” Later, you realize it was the wrong piece and now it’s all bent outta shape… now it wont fit anywhere... poop. Ha!)

I wouldn’t say I've gone so far as to fit things in my life that aren’t meant to be there in this moment… but boy have I sure wanted to name and claim some things and make it happen. I guess it comes down to patience… But, I have found that I can’t have patience unless I have a hope in something worth waiting for… and I can’t hope unless I trust in the hand that is bringing the hope to pass.

Have you ever come to those ‘fork in the road’ type moments? I felt like I had one of those moments today. I came to a fork in the road, purposing this question: are you going to keep trying to create pieces that don’t fit, or are you going to allow pieces that are meant to fit come together perfectly in their own time?

And in that moment I had to make a decision. I chose to let go of ‘making pieces’ and trying to make them fit together… it hasn’t worked in the past, and it won’t ever start working either. But instantaneously after making that choice, there was another fork in the road… ‘Are you going to be bitter about it or will you rejoice in whatever comes your way?’

HA! Letting go is hard enough… and now to choose to REJOICE!?

Yep. I will rejoice. Whatever God deems me worthy of experiencing, that I will experience and rejoice through it. There is not one experience I’d be better without… He is working all things together for my good, I've been called according to His purpose… My life is not my own, and who better to entrust it to than the one who created me…

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% of what you do with what happens to you… (That little saying was on a card I bought yesterday… it had a cute drawing of a little girl making lemonade out of lemons… I've decided that if I’m getting lemons in life… I’m making lemonade. J)

What will be, will be… and I will rejoice. (I say that with such great hope and joy. I have a bright future… Christ is there… how could it get any brighter?!)

Chaotic Symphony

A lovely symphony

Created amid you and me

The rough spots in between

Merely leaving clever melody-lines

They should divide but

Suddenly become unified

Tying drudgery together

The 'whole' becomes better

Not easy

Nor perfect

But better than it use to be

Chaos without a melody

Now a symphony

Resonating deeply

Between you and me

Notes without a home have found their place

Found the right time and the perfect rhyme

Our hearts dance together without skipping beat

The place we were meant to be

Finally at rest with one another

Forgiveness our deepest need

Given graciously

Peace is our comfort

Love is our banner

Eternal light

Brightening up the darkest night

Nothing can quiet

The symphony inside

Melody lines emerging from the chaos of life

Chaos becoming a lovely symphony

Amid you and me.

...Surrender...

I am still on this journey of finding the time to write my thoughts… I know I will get there, as I am determined to do all that the Lord has called and purposed me to do in these days… they are so crucial… I believe our generation is in an ‘appointed season’ of choice… (By appointed season I mean: an assigned portion of time that God has portioned… and in ‘appointed seasons’ there is a definite beginning and end. Once the season ends, things are set in motion or set on trajectory. God is big enough to change the trajectory, but it largely depends on the will and choices of man. God has desired course planned out and he is looking for people to align themselves with His heart and purposes… this season is the time where we can get into alignment with His perfect trajectory…) The question is: Will we, as a generation, lay down our lives for the desire of His heart… we haven’t even received the full revelation of what we will do in our generation… but we daily are experiencing more and more of His heart for the broken, we daily see the need for redemption and restoration, reconciliation… We don’t know how these things will be accomplished, nor how we fit into the equation… but we do know that we are called, and set aside for a great purpose… We know our purpose is much larger than we could ever dream or imagine… our purpose is too wonderful to comprehend… God has chosen us for a special work… it is our choice in these days to accept the heart of God, or to refuse…

Our acceptance is as simple as total surrender. There is nothing else, no other means in which we can ‘get on board’ with God’s plans. To accept the call of Christ means complete surrender to the one who saved us… total surrender to the one who gave his life for us… total surrender to the fierce love and pursuit of Christ himself. Total surrender to his perspective, to his Holy Spirit, to his promptings in every situation… total surrender to his heart and desire for purity and righteousness… total surrender to honesty, humility, and to the word of God. Total surrender of all sin…throwing down all things that daily entangle us… complete surrender of our bondage, fear, doubt, insecurities… everything.

Complete and total surrender of everything we are will be the deciding factor of our generation… will we arise and shine as God has set us apart to do… it depends on our degree of surrender in these days.

We are truly living in important days. This kind of season does not roll around every 6 months, or every 12 months. It is not like summer, fall, winter, or spring… it is more like the orbit of planets… alignment happens, but it takes time. God does not pluck and plop. Just as the planets can not be plucked up from their current trajectory and plopped down into alignment with their planet counterparts, neither will God pluck us up and plop us down into alignment. If the appointed season of choice passes by our generation, it could take a long process of re-arranging the lives and circumstances of 7 billion people to bring about another appointed season like this one. Our generation might not see this kind of opportunity ever again. These are important days.

I don’t claim to know how long our appointed season is… and heck, maybe we won’t even know it ended… But I personally have a strong conviction to make the most of everyday I am given. I am learning to count my days and make them count. There truly is no time to waste. We cannot settle for loving Jesus and loving people with only half of our hearts, our minds, soul and strength… God is looking for those who are ‘all in’ …

If you are finding the struggle to surrender incredible difficult in these days, do not fret… keep fighting the good fight and asking for the grace to overcome. You’re on the right track! I am praying for our generation to press in all the more in these days… the temptation is to let up a little bit, and the temptation is re-enforced by discouragement of our shortcomings… But remember what Christ has done for you… fix your eyes on Him. He is the author… He is the perfecter of our faith… He’ll see you through all this mess. Just keep running toward Him and surrendering your everything.

Praying for you.

.am.

...Me, a grumbler? Sadly... yes...

I find myself crying out with the same phrase “Jesus, I don’t know what to do!!’

And I keep crying that out… and crying it out… and crying it out… in every difficult situation, in every moment of every day… ‘I don’t know what to do!!!’

There are a few things that seem so right about that cry, and then there are some things so wrong. The thing that is right, looking toward Jesus… but I am afraid the thing that is so wrong might as well nullify what is so right.

Notice how I simply put exclamation points to that cry, rather than question marks… In my heart, my cry has not been in the form of a question asking for help, rather it has simply been a whining and billowing cry of agony desperately hoping that Jesus will just come and make things all hunky dory in an instant.

And Jesus simply waits in quite silence, with great patience for me to stop whining and ask for help. See, our whining isn’t pleasing to the heart of God. He will take it, but it doesn’t fill his heart with Joy. It is the same as grumbling.

Oh my.

Oh my.

Revelation literally just hit me square in the face as I wrote that last line. Whining is the same as grumbling… crap.

That brings the past few weeks into sharp focus.

I've been grumbling to the Lord for a month now.

Shoot dang.

…

…

…

It all makes sense now. No wonder it has been a bit rough lately, no wonder it feels as though my joy has been robbed completely and the once refreshing springs of living water rushing from the depths of my life seem to be dry desert pools lately… my heart has been grumbling.

Jesus, forgive me.

It takes little reading of the bible accounts of Israel wondering in the desert to find out what the Lord thinks about grumbling, and what happens when people grumble against His ways… (Just read Exodus 15-17 speaks of Israel and grumbling, along with Numbers 14, Deuteronomy 1:26-46 recaps Israel’s grumbling right before entering the promise land… and Psalm 106:24-26)

As we grumble against the ways of God we are essentially forsaking our faith in who God is. We are effectively saying we do not trust in You God. Remember, faith is being sure of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not yet see. I have found myself in a myriad of uncertainties as of late and rather than fixing my eyes on what I am certain of, my heart has turned to grumbling and complaining, crying out ‘I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO LORD!!!’ (and let me assure you, this is not the only thing I've grumbled about before the Lord lately… I wish I could claim to be that saintly… but I am far from it.)

The Father, in his grace, has already given me the answer to this ‘grumbling’ matter… first is repentance, and then it is the act of praise. Praise aligns all that we are with the Spirit of God. Praise aligns our thoughts with the truth of who God is, praise aligns our words with the reality of who God is (and we know that our words are powerful, speaking life or death, blessing or cursing…) Praise is meant to align our bodies with the Spirit of God… (if you look up the Hebrew meaning of praise you’ll find 6 or 7 different Hebrew words, and all the words used for praise are words of action, or outward expression of some sort… whether it is the raising of your hands, dancing, shouting, jumping, clapping, striking the instrument… there is some kind of action… praise is not in your silent quiet time… you can adore God, and worship God in silence… and I am all for silence… but the definition of PRAISING God, according to scripture, is an outward expression of sorts declaring who God is and what He does.) And this is the answer to keep my heart from grumbling. Praise.

… once again, I have much more to say. But, personally, I think I need to sit on this little revelation for a while… more than that… I need to practice the remedy the Lord has graciously given me. In the past I have found myself always looking for the next word, the next revelation, or always wanting the next thing… But I've learned the Lord will sometimes give us one thing and waits patiently while it is grafted into our lives before He gives us the next thing… He doesn’t just want his people to be revelation seekers, but people who practice the revelation… Oh how I want to be a doer of the word… not just a hearer…

praying for you.

...alignment...

Maybe I need to spend some time in the afternoons writing…as I come to the end of the day, I find myself at a loss of words… it could be the extremely hot weather and the full day of staring at my computer and maybe I simply do not feel like typing… but I’ll give it a go anyway.

And sometimes it just takes priming the well a bit before things come back… Sometimes we need to sit and start before we have the thoughts to ‘go with’ … I think this goes with most anything… sometimes the Lord gives us the first step without showing us where the journey will end… sometimes we have to simply start with discipline and the rest will flow out naturally without reservation… but that initial step always seems to be the most difficult.

I have had some intense back and neck pain lately. A few weeks ago I threw something out of alignment while playing tennis with my nephew. One moment everything was dandy, and then next I was in agony… (Of course I had to save face and continue to play for another hour…) the intense pain lingered for a few days and subsided once everything settled into place. Although, they did not settle in alignment, and because of that, the subtle pain has spread to my neck, hips and lower back. Not only has my frame been affected, but the rest of my body has also become distressed over the unnatural alignment. Running up and down the spine is the nervous system, which connects the brain to the body. As we all know, the nervous system is the communication highway to and fro between the brain and the members of the body.

I believe God will use anything to speak to us.

I know what it is like to be out of alignment and I know what it is like to be in perfect alignment. Being out of alignment causes issues with the rest of your body, sometimes noticeable, and other times seemingly subtle. One could probably live all their lives without having their spine adjusted and be okay, but when brought into proper alignment the difference would cause one to question why they lived in such agony beforehand.

There are precautions we can take to help prevent our backs from going out of alignment. This mainly revolves around our posture. If we posture ourselves well, we will not have to worry about going out of alignment. Proper exercise, core muscle strengthening, and stretching are also key to staying aligned.

And by now you are probably wondering if I am being paid by a chiropractor to write a recommendation for their wonderful services… but… I am not… well except advertising for the great Chiropractor named Jesus ☺

Like I said before, God will speak through anything.

The metaphors and analogies run deep and wide within this situation. I've only begun to discover the revelations and mysteries of what God is attempting to communicate at this point in time.

I think I will break this entry up into two or three parts.

I’ll leave you with this thought and let you ponder the above scenario. Imagine your relationship with God being the spine.

Is your spine out of ‘alignment’ and because of this you have great pain? (In other words, have you considered the position of your relationship with God (or lack there of) a part of the current turmoil in your life?

Have you experienced your ‘spine’ adjusted? Have tasted the difference of being in alignment compared to being out of alignment? (In other words: Have you tasted the difference of having an authentic relationship with Christ will make in your daily life?)

If you have experienced being in alignment, is it time for an adjustment? (In other words: If you have a relationship with Christ, when was the last time you went to him to be adjusted back to his heart? Are you in need of being re-aligned?)

Ha. Going to the chiropractor for the first time can be a bit scary. (Anything new and unknown can be a bit scary actually.) But there is nothing like having all your bones in proper position, and your body functioning at its highest ability. (So it is with Jesus… sometimes it can be a bit scary to go to Him… But getting put back together in proper working order feels so great.)

I hope to leave you with more thoughts on this tomorrow. Thanks for journeying with me on this exciting adventure seeking out freedom in truth. As always, praying for you.

.am.

...those pesky little foxes...

If you’ve read any of my thoughts lately, I am sure you’ll quickly discover the common denominator of wrestling with actions of the habitual nature of humanity… more precisely, my own actions and habitual nature. The wrestling match continues. It seems to be the season of weeding out the ‘little foxes’ from the garden.

‘Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes
that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.’

Song of Solomon 2:15

I always wondered about this verse in the love poem of Solomon. I never understood what foxes had to do with anything. Weeding, watering, proper sun, pruning, these all make sense in my mind, but foxes? My only experience with foxes was in London. They howled in the city streets late at night, rummaging around the trash looking for a bite to eat. So I asked the question: What do foxes have to do with vineyards in bloom?

I went on a little word search to understand what Solomon was talking about. (Here is a great resource for studying the Bible: http://www.blueletterbible.org/index.cfm check it out.)

First, the vineyard in bloom is an allegory for the fruit of genuine love beginning to bloom between Solomon and his beloved. Simply put, the vineyard represents the relationship between Solomon and his beloved. Anyone knows a well-tended vineyard will produce a more bountiful harvest than a vineyard neglected and left alone. So it is with any relationship. As we intentional tend and nurture a relationship, it will be bountiful and fruitful. So... what do foxes have to do with vineyards in bloom? This type of fox roamed around silently and in solitary ways. It was shy, suspicious, and difficult to catch because of its skittishness. Not only was this fox a plunderer of ripened grapes, it also burrowed in the ground, disrupting the roots of the vines. As you can imagine, a vineyard with these pesky animals (as cute as they may be…) could be quickly ruined without proper investigation and action. Solomon was speaking of things that would disrupt, discourage growth, and steal the fruit of their glorious relationship.

So. The wrestling match continues. I am on the hunt for the little foxes that disrupt, discourage, and steal the fruit of my relationship with Christ. These 'foxes' seem to be skittish, silent, and borrow themselves at the root of the vine. One such ‘fox’ was uncovered this morning as I sat with the Lord (once it is uncovered, one has to set out to catch and kill the little hound… in other words, the journey begins by exposing our sin, but this is not intended to be a stopping point. We must be intentional about the removal of our previously habitual and sinful ways and dedicated to cultivating our new life.)

Back to the hairy beast I uncovered this morning. As I sat with the Lord I realized my intense frustration with the inconvenience of being obedient to His instruction. As I pondered this frustration and asked the Lord what was really going on I discovered how my mind and soul have been infiltrated with the ways of our culture. Have you ever noticed the convenience of our society? I've been pondering this a lot lately. Do you ever stop and think about where your produce comes from? Do you ever wonder about the livelihood of the person who made your burger at McDonald's? Do you know the hands that made those fireworks you will enjoy exploding on the 4th? We live in such great luxury and convenience... we don’t have to work at anything. We work to make money so we can conveniently and cheaply consume.

I realized I've been swallowed up by the convenience of the American way of life, and it has threatened to infiltrate my relationship with Jesus. I find myself frustrated that my relationship with Christ does not function with the same ease and convenience of our fast pace society. And then, in the moment of frustration I am tempted to think something is wrong with me, or with God. This frustration can quickly turn into discouragement, then sadness, depression, and then despair. Left alone in this torrent we’ll quickly forget all that God is and all that He has done.

Praise Jesus for His grace.

I have found the ‘need of convenience’ to be a little fox attempting to burrow himself in my vineyard with the intentions of stealing the fruit I have labored intensely to cultivate. I will not have it.

(Now, do not hear me say ‘I hate convenience’. I am very grateful for the resources and opportunities we have access to in this country. What I am saying is a complete reliance upon these conveniences can be dangerous. And often times we do not recognize our complete reliance upon convenience. I have found myself reluctant to put time and energy into anything that will take any amount of effort. And I don’t see this in the life of Christ. Christ didn’t say, ‘Welp, it's not really convenient for me to go to the cross today, there must be an easier way… I’ll skip out on this part of the plan of God and see if there is something else that comes along.’ Convenience appeals to our flesh, and our flesh is in constant battle with our spirit man. I desire to cultivate a life where I live to gratify the spirit rather than the flesh. One is eternal the other is temporary. I can live to gratify my soul, but my reward will be stored up on this earth, temporary, and fleeting.)

The diligent work of being a devoted disciple of Christ might be challenging, difficult, and costly, but nothing will compare to hearing the words of a proud Father saying, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant…’ (Matthew 25:21).

Just as Solomon said to his beloved… So Jesus says to us:

‘Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes
that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.’

The costly work of being in relationship with Jesus will be worth it all… keep running.

Praying for you.

.am.

...faith and reason...

I had an interesting experience about a week ago. Little did I know the whole week would lead up to a revelation that has forever changed my life. As I've said before, the Lord does not waste any circumstance we find ourselves in. If we are looking for Him, we will find Him. If we are seeking His voice, we will hear it. It wasn’t the most pleasant week. There weren't any depressing circumstances, but I was just a bit down. Later I realized I was walking around with a guilty conscious… meaning, there were things I had done wrong during the week yet I refused to step into grace by way of repentance. I wasn’t intentionally refusing repentance, it seems independence is a tendency we humans have. Maybe at the root of this trend is pride, wanting to be my own savior, wanting to be self-sufficient and make it on my own… because as fallen humanity we have a deep need to prove and re-establish ourselves, we still try and make up for humanities original fault: disobedience…

If only I could re-establish relationship with God… If only I could make up for my faults… If only I could be perfect and prove myself to God… If only I could reconcile myself… If only I could break free from all this mess… How often we try to fix ourselves!!! Yet, Christ has already done all these things. Completely. There is no other price to pay, there is no more debt for sin, and there is no more bondage when we are in Christ. Pride keeps us from recognizing truth.

I find this part of our fleshly nature (trying to live independent of God) absolutely hysterical and incredibly obnoxious. Pride tries so hard to take control and choke out all the potential that lies inside of each of us. Pride keeps us from recognizing the truth: when we are weak, we are strong. When we die, we live. When we are humble we will be exalted. As we sell all we own and give it to the poor, then we will be rich. As we empty ourselves of everything, we are filled beyond measure. Forgiveness, grace, and mercy are the ways of true vengeance. Pride keeps us from recognizing truth.

Most of all, pride keeps the ground of our minds fertile for the seeds of ‘reason’ to flourish.

And this is the revelation I had last week. I realized I had been reasoning myself out of obedience to His call. The experience went something like this: God asked me to do something and I called it unreasonable, irrational, absurd, ridiculous, and foolish. Because of my rational thinking, I reasoned myself out of obedience to something that I was to do in FAITH. Walking with God can never come through reason or rational. Faith and reason are completely opposites, its like oil and water, they will never mix. When we act in disobedience to the instruction of the Holy Spirit we end up grieving Him. Think about it this way: You are in a relationship, you and your friend have promised each other to serve one another in love, whatever the cost. One day you ask your friend, whom you love, to do something really important. Your friend, whom claims to love you, utterly and completely disregards what you’ve asked of them, not only to they disregard you, but they think only of themselves and do whatever they feel like doing in that moment… not paying any attention to you… avoiding you… and when they’ve recognized they’ve done wrong they continue to avoid you rather than apologize…

Wouldn’t you be saddened and a bit hurt? Why would it be any different with God?

I have found myself doing this very thing with God lately. He asks of me to do something, and instead I end up talking myself out of it and then doing whatever I feel like doing... I am so thankful that God is not like me, in that He doesn't throw me out and say 'forget you!' everytime I mess up. He opens his arms with loving kindness and grace as I recognize my wrong and apologize.

I guess I am trying to point out three things today. First, we can’t have a ‘reasonable faith’. Walking with God does not always make sense. The things He will ask us to do will not always be rational… in fact they might even be foolish, absurd, and absolutely irrational from our point of view. But if He asks us to do something, we must trust and be obedient in faith. He has purpose beyond our understanding and sight for the things He asks us to do.

Second. If we choose to live in our rational mindset trying to rationalize every single instruction of God, we’ll end up being disobedient and bring sadness to the heart of God. Disobedience sets our feet upon a path walking away from God.

(I wish there was another word for disobedience… We associate disobedience to following a set of rules, but that is not what I am talking about… I am talking about the relational disobedience as mentioned above. Walking with God in submission to His instruction is because we recognize His great love for us… that He is bigger than us… that He sees, understands, and comprehends more than us… that He gave His life for us so we might have abundant life in Him… It is because of His love for us that we would even consider walking in submission to His ways over our own.)

Third. The moment we set ourselves up on the path of disobedience we miss out on all the blessings of God. Simple obedience is crucial in these days. And living a life of rational is the tactic of the enemy to keep us from entering into the full blessing of God.

A simple story to finish: Last week, I was getting ready to attend a small group meeting. I usually bring my guitar and lead a time of worship. As I was picking up my guitar to head out of my house, I heard a small voice saying: ‘Don’t take your guitar.’ I thought to myself: ‘What? That makes no sense… I am the worship leader…’ (Comedy right there… it is the Holy Spirit that is the worship leader… and we don’t need instruments to worship God… worship is a way of living, not a 15 minute time slot of music during a church service… music is an important aspect of worship, but not the only way to worship…) Anyhoo. I start to walk out of my room with the guitar and I hear the same words, ‘Don’t take your guitar.’ Thinking I was crazy, I turned around and put my guitar back on the ground, and walk out of my house. And you know, God showed up in that meeting in a powerful way… and he used the testimony of my ‘simple obedience to the irrational call’ as an encouragement to many…

I believe God wants to completely obliterate the mindset of following a ‘set of rules’... This is something the Church is currently known for… a bunch of rules... but the Lord wants to show the world that He desires relationship, not regulations. With every act of simple obedience, done with great love, that fortified wall of ‘religiosity’ will come crashing down… I can’t wait for that day.

It all comes down to love.

Stop reasoning yourselves out of obedience… step out in faith upon what you are being called to do… It is better to fall forward moving toward God than to fall backwards moving away…

Praying for you.

.am.

... sowing good seed...

I've been pondering the seasons lately, not just natural seasons (although I do find myself wondering why the weather seems to think it's early March rather than late June…) but the spiritual seasons of life as well. Jesus talked about knowing the season we are in, in other words, we are to seek God and ask what He is up to in our lives so that we might come into alignment and agreement with His purposes (this isn’t always an individual thing either, it is important to know what God is wanting to do in our families, in our church, in our business… you name it. If we lack vision and understanding then our lives will pass us by before we know it, and we’ll have missed what we were purposed for.)

We don’t think much about the importance of seasons anymore… (Unless we are avid gardeners…) but back in the day, the seasons meant livelihood. Success of planting and harvesting meant the difference between life and death. Knowing the seasons and when to sow seed was crucial for life. God often uses the natural things of the world to highlight spiritual principle. Just as there are seasons to plant seed and seasons to harvest a crop, so there are seasons in our spiritual lives to sow seed and harvest. (And if one is wise he will prepare the field for seed to be planted, he will plow, weed, fertilize… otherwise the seed that is planted will have a hard time growing in the uncultivated soil, seeds will be choked out by weeds, and the proper nutrients a plant needs for fertile growth will be lacking.) I would suggest this same principle applies to our spiritual life as well.

If a farmer misses the proper time of sowing seed and decides to sow later in the season, his harvest will be minimal and nowhere near as bountiful as it would be if he'd planted at the appropriate time. If God has us in a season of ‘sowing seed’ and we fail to sow, then our harvest in the season to come will be minimal. Its not that complicated, whatever you sow will be what you reap in the season to come. If you sow generously you’ll get a generous harvest (I am not talking about money, the principle is FAR greater than money… and sadly the church and Christians alike have been so fixed on ‘money’.) If you sow a bunch of seed, you'll get a big harvest, if you sow sparingly, your harvest will be sparing. If you sow ‘good seed’ you’ll reap the benefits of a ‘good harvest’ (good seed means pure seed). If you sow bad seed then you’ll end up with a bad harvest (bad seed means the batch of seed was tainted with other seed.)

You will reap what you sow. It is not some high and lofty idea, it is as simple as: you plant a sunflower seed, you will get a sunflower plant… if you plant a green bean, you’ll get a harvest of green beans.

If you sow into your life and others an attitude of love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, kindness, patience, generosity… then you will reap those things. If you sow for yourself bitterness, hatred, unforgiveness, resentment, anger, complaining… you’ll reap a harvest of those things.

And here is the kicker… we are always sowing spiritual seed whether we are intentional or not… Our attitude, our words, our heart motives, our prayers, your thoughts, and especially our actions are all seed… and we are constantly scattering seed...

We can either be intentional about sowing good seed in this season or we can be lackadaisical… either way we will reap the harvest we sow… intentionally sown or not. But a good harvest of good seed is never unintentional… I know I've said this about 5 times in this short writing... but it is so incredibly crucial that we understand.

So. What’s my point?

For me, and many others, this seems like a critical season of sowing… there is a renewed reverence within me to take hold of this season and be diligent in sowing good seed. I have the same reverent fear the old time farmers had… I know that the season of ‘spring’ is upon me and I best get my butt in gear to plant those seeds or else come harvest time I might not have what I need to sustain me… and not just sustain me, but others around me.

It is a crucial season. Don’t let it pass you by.

I've made a list of things that I want to be intentional about sowing ‘good seed’ into… maybe this act will help you be intentional too.

Jesus, show us what ‘good seed’ looks like and help us be diligent to plant it.

Blessings to you.

.am.

Here are some scriptures/passages to meditate on about sowing seed:

Matthew 13, Mark 4, Luke 8, 1 Corinthians 15, 2 Corinthians 9, Proverbs 11:18
Isaiah 55, Hosea 10:12, Galatians 6